Who Won the Week?: Jiller's Team
6 straight wins? Check.
125+ fantasy points in 4 out of the last 5 weeks? Check.
Second most points in the FFFL? Check.
FIRST FREAKING PLACE???? MAJOR CHECK!
Here's a picture of Jiller with a Captain Jack Sparrow impersonator in Las Vegas from 2010!! I don't need a reason, DIDN'T YOU HEAR ME???? SHE'S IN FIRST PLACE!!!!!!
Jiller's team is on an absolute onslaught, and although her recent tear may have usurped my standing at first place, I GUESS I have no choice but to be excited for this mother of mine. For the first few weeks of the FFFL season, it'd been her stacked WR corps that were piling up the points, with her first round pick, Jonathan Taylor, lagging behind a bit. But over the last 4 weeks, the only player with more fantasy points than Taylor is Cooper Kupp.
I mean, get real here, Jiller's WRs are so good that her second round pick, Stefon Diggs, is actually the fourth best receiver on her team. That's depth, honey. Ever heard of it?
Let's hear it for Jiller's Team, one of the "FFFL original 5" who's never had a taste of that sweet, sweet trophy (unless you count hoarding it in her closet because she's too cheap to ship that beauty to the west coast). Perhaps the year she gave up on the "It's My Year!" moniker will actually prove to be her year. Modesty goes a long way, Mary Jill.
The Nair™ Bladeless Shave "CLOSEST Call" Matchup of the Week: Miles vs. Scott
A near Chicago Bears comeback win on Monday Night Football fueled a CrabCakes&Football (THAT'S WHAT MARYLAND DOES!) comeback against his own father, ending in the slimmest margin of victory the FFFL has seen since 2019, when Nathan beat Kevin by just 0.12 in the 2019 season.
Going into MNF, Miles' squad was done, his final score at 97.66 points, while Scott sat at 89.74 points with the Steelers D/ST yet to play. While Pittsburgh's D initially had Scott ahead, with each Bears score, his lead dwindled. Watching their matchup live on Yahoo was almost as fun as watching Justin Fields become the next Johnny Unitas in front of our very eyes, as Da Bears final TD sunk Scott's defense down to 7 fantasy points, giving Miles a 0.92 point lead, one that he'd never give back to Scottie-Otto.
Only two things could've made this victory sweeter for Miles: a Bears victory or a Matt Nagy firing. Unfortunately, neither happened.
Oh yeah, I guess I should mention that Nair has officially stopped sponsoring this award due to my lack of recent write-ups. But guess what, I'm gonna keep using their likeness. The award just sounds better with a sponsor attached. What're they gonna do, sue me???
Start of the Week: Pat Freiermuth, Hawt Garbage
I'm gonna start calling Nathan's team "Cold Valuables" because, at 5-4 and 5th in the standings, dude has been the opposite of "Hawt Garbage."
What's something that's cold and valuable? I am stumped and can only think of things in your freezer, like popsicles or ice cream. Hit the comments with the most valuable cold stuff you can think of.
Anyway, Nathan's biggest DRUMSTICK of the week was Steeler's tight end Pat Freiermuth (still can't decide if this is a cool last name or a horrible last name), whose two touchdowns and 18.8 fantasy points ranked him as Week 9's best fantasy tight end. All this from a dude who Nathan drafted, dropped, then picked up again. The ride ain't always smooth to the top, is it FREIERMUTH? (Okay, it's a really bad last name. I only added the photo below so I could ensure I was spelling it correctly.)
Dud of the Week: Patrick Mahomes, Alan's Awesome Team
There were lots of Week 9 letdowns that could've ended up with this award, but Alan, when you take a QB with the first overall pick, that QB is SIMPLY NOT ALLOWED to score less than 20 points a week, something this man Patrick has done in three straight weeks.
WHAT IS GOING ON WITH PATRICK MAHOMES?
Is he keeping an injury from us? Did NFL defenses figure him out? Is it because he has a new baby at home? Is it because Michael was mad he didn't get to draft his hometown quarterback so he sprinted to Patrick's Kansas City home and Tonya Harding'ed him in order to sabotage Alan's team out of spite?
I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE!!!!!
Whatever it is, figure it out, Patrick. We miss your beautiful curly locks, your no-look touchdown tosses, and your fantasy football dominance.
“Oh Sh*t, He Was on My Bench!” Award: Chicago D/ST, Scott's Team
Remember a few blurbs ago when we discussed Miles winning by 0.92 points because of Scott's defense? Turns out, Scott also had the Bears defense rostered, leaving them on the BENCH in favor of Pittsburgh's D. Scott must like the "Steel Curtain" nickname more than the "Monsters of the Midway," but bad taste ALLLLLWAAYYYYYS comes back to bite ya, doesn't it? Chicago's D/ST ended the night with 11 fantasy points, a total that, had he started them, would've vaulted Scott into a 3+ point victory.
Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.
I would like to take a moment to announce that Nair representatives are now in my home as I write this. Apparently they did indeed sue me (your legal team is very swift), and things are NOT looking good for my bank account or my ability to freely walk the earth. If I'm locked up tonight, I nominate Alan as new commissioner, seeing as he has the best handle of the league technology.
Waiver Claim of the Week: Hunter Renfrow, Mowdoggs
I'm not even gonna touch on the Henry Ruggs stuff (ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY SIX MILES PER HOUR!?!??!?!?!??!?!? I get scared when I drive 62 mph!!!), but the Raiders' "next man up" philosophy has Hunter Renfrow lookin' like a nice rest-of-season piece in Las Vegas.
The Mowdoggs thought so, too, snagging Renfrow for $0 before his name got too hot, a move that this injury-riddled team needed badly. With DeAndre Hopkins hurting, Renfrow could prove to be a valuable every-week WR2 until Nuk's back at full strength.
Looking ahead:
Can Jiller (6 straight) and Miles (3 straight) keep their hot streaks alive against Michael and Mowdoggs, respectively?
We've got a Coleman Bowl, as Alan takes on Clint in a "loser goes home" matchup!
Will Scott twist the dagger in his nephew and former league king's wound, forcing him further down the totem?
Fantasy football is truly the best!!!!!
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That's it for this week, ya'll! I hope you enjoyed the summary and are finding the new blog format cool and fun. Please leave comments on blog posts below each one! It can be more smack talk, a point I mistakenly left out of the summary, an idea for future posts, or a gushing compliment admitting your adoration of my writing skills. I love you all and GET THOSE LINEUPS SET.
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