I'm currently watching The Sopranos for the first time ever (I know, I know, I'm about 20 years late here...), and leading man Tony Soprano is known for referring to his "mob boss" occupation as "waste management." It's the perfect cover-up. If Tony has to off someone? Let's call it "waste reduction." Tony's gotta pin a crime on someone else? "Environmental cleanup." It's truly genius. He's hiding in plain sight. GO TONY!!!! (We also share the same first name, despite me being zero percent Italian, which Mowdoggs' recent "23 and Me" results instantly confirmed.)
"Where's he going with this? What does this have to do with the FFFL?"
I'm getting there, people. Trust me, I'm about to blow your mind.
I've figured it out -- Kevin Coleman is the Tony Soprano of fantasy football. Sure, sure, ask anyone you know, and Kevin's a pharmacist at HyVee in Canton. But, if the last 3 weeks have anything to show, I think he's more of a "pharmacist" than a pharmacist.
In true Soprano fashion, Kevin is actually a fantasy football expert, the HyVee Pharmacy stockroom filled with 16 TVs, all showing last week's game tape from every game, every angle, Kevin watching intently while he's "filling prescriptions" and "taking inventory." OH PLEASE, KEVIN. There's no shame in admitting it. In fact, it even won you an award this week! Which brings me to...
Who Won the Week?: The UNIT
As if first place (for the first time in his FFFL career!) and most points scored wasn't enough of a combo, KC had to come through with the smack-talk text to end all smack-talk texts, putting the whole FFFL on notice of his team's recent domination. The UNIT continues to ride Cooper Kupp's unreal start to the season, posting three straight games of 20+ fantasy points, ranking as fantasy's number one WR across the board. The rest of the UNIT squad didn't disappoint either, with his lowest scoring skill player, Joe Mixon (9.9 points) still nearly hitting 10 points.
So, yeah, Kevin, I'm onto you. And now we'll ALLLLLLLLLL know that the next time you say you're "helping a customer," that really just means you're about to kick your FFFL opponent's ass.
The Nair™ Bladeless Shave "CLOSEST Call" Matchup of the Week: Icarus vs. Connor
After Week 1 saw close matchups across the board, Weeks 2 and 3 have seen blowouts far and wide, leaving some teams writhing in pain while others laugh in the face of danger,
HA HA HA HA!
Our only close matchup of Week 3 wasn't so close until Connor's Cowboy Combo (new team name idea!!!!) went crazy on Monday Night Football, turning a 55 point deficit into a 4 point one, which is where the final score landed. Clint's real MVP was Josh Allen, who turned in a 37 point performance on Sunday, good for the highest individual point total of Week 3. Connor should consider himself quite lucky, as a comeback win may not have been taken lightly by Clint, a suspected captain in the Coleman fantasy football mafia. Clint may have had to take Connor out back to "count some pills" if you know what I mean....
Start of the Week: Mike Williams, Miles
Miles needed a W about as badly as Justin Fields needed a 6th offensive lineman on Sunday -- one of the two got what they wished for, and the other had a total of 68 passing yards. I was beginning to think that Miles's recent move to NYC meant his fantasy team had become the Jets, but a big performance from the Crab Cakes squad finally has him in the win column, with his late round WR Mike Williams leading the way. Through three weeks, the Chargers wideout, who Miles snagged in round eight of the FFFL draft, is the second-highest fantasy point-scoring WR (behind that man up there in blue and yellow). That man has more value than a 24 pack of Charmin in April 2020. Williams kept his foot on the gas pedal this week, leading Miles's team in scoring on their way to a 70 point throttling of Michael's Team (sorry, Mike, just reporting the news over here).
Dud of the Week: Tyreek Hill, Mowhobbs
Well.... well.... well........ OH HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN. Alan, another suspected captain of the Coleman fantasy football mafia, tossed cold water on Jena's scorching hot start this week, giving the Mowhobbs their first loss of the FFFL season. After the loss, if Jena is looking to place blame, she can look no further than fifth overall pick Tyreek Hill, who scored only 7 points this week after a measly 4 point performance last week. Three weeks in, and the almighty Kansas City Chiefs haven't looked quite like themselves yet, and an underwhelming start to the year from Tyreek is a big reason why.
“Oh Sh*t, He Was on My Bench!” Award: Jiller's whole bench
I feel genuinely bad for giving my own mother on this award on back-to-back weeks, but Jiller, this is about you, not me. In a way, this is almost a blessing in disguise (I know it doesn't feel that way but I'm just trying to make you feel better, ok?). Having SO MANY STARTABLE options at both WR and RB is a good thing... but only if you guess correctly each week, which Jiller has yet to do.
Week 1: leaves Ja'Marr Chase (18 points) and DJ Chark (16 points) on the bench while Mike Evans scores 3 points.
Week 2: Leaves Marquise Brown on the bench, wins this award
Week 3: Leaves 43 combined points on the bench between James Robinson and Ja'Marr Chase, starts McKissic and Brown who combine for 11 points
The good news is... your team is MAD DEEP. And one of these weeks, you're going to guess CORRECTLY. And unless you're playing Tony Soprano, cough, OOPS, cough, I MEAN KEVIN COLEMAN, you'll win big that week! I trust that'll happen in Week 4 😀
Waiver Claim of the Week: Chuba Hubbard, Michael
Listen, we don't celebrate injuries here at the FFFL, but we do celebrate REACTIONS to injuries, and Michael had a good one. While the $35 price tag might've been steep, Mike'll get 2 to 4 weeks of solid RB fill-in play, and while Chuba may not put up a 30-burger-McCaffery-special each week, consistent running backs are dang-near impossible to find on the waiver wire. Safe to say Michael needed a pick-me-up after his hometown Chiefs AND his fantasy team went down to 1-2. Big ups, Mike.
Looking ahead:
Week 4 should be a fun one, with two 2-1 vs. 2-1 matchups in Anthony vs. Nathan and Kevin Soprano vs. Connor. We'll also see another fun parent-child matchup, as Mowdoggs take on Scott's Team in a battle for the best hay bale at the next Weenie Roast.
💗
That's it for this week, ya'll! I hope you enjoyed the summary and are finding the new blog format cool and fun. Please leave comments on blog posts below each one! It can be more smack talk, a point I mistakenly left out of the summary, an idea for future posts, or a gushing compliment admitting your adoration of my writing skills. I love you all and GET THOSE LINEUPS SET.
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